One’s family members and your hobby

I recently cross-posted to several Yahoo groups a question that, while off-topic, did involve model railroading. Specifically, I asked:

[w]hat do you do when you learn that someone in your immediate family is not fond of your hobby, to the extent they’re either hostile towards it, or contemptuous?

Perhaps the collective brain trust can provide some thoughts on that question.

So that list group members would understand the kind of person I’m dealing with, I provide some historical background how my trains came to be in my mother’s possession, from the financial difficulties I had, to the “agreement” I signed under duress that resulted in my trains’ being “held hostage.”

I then described the flooding incident in my mother’s home, in which her bathroom flooded, and the water made its way into the basement. The boxes holding my trains were stored in the basement directly beneath the bathroom, and they got wet and fell over. I performed “triage” to clean up the mess the day after she notified me, which looked worse than it actually was.

During one of those visits, my mother made the comment that she bet she could “get $12,000” for them. When I advised her that she didn’t know the market, she said she “could get $5,000.” Worse, she’d “suggested” that she “could ‘secretly’ sell them,” or have my sister do it on eBay, given her successes there.

As I did an inventory of my equipment on my laptop recently, my mother saw the spreadsheet and remarked that I ought to “have a space for the prices I paid for the cars, so I could see the differences between the two, “when I sell my trains,” as her fantasy states.

“I’ve sold off about thirty percent of my roster,” I wrote, “but only as part of a plan to refine my fleet by getting rid off cars that aren’t appropriate or suitable for my planned switching layout, or for other reasons. Entire liquidation is not an option, but my mother seems to think it is by her continued advocacy that I sell off all of them.”

“Furthermore,” I added, “I’m not in a position to remove them physically from her home, as I presently have nowhere to put the dozen or so boxes that contain those models as well as my hobby tools.”

I wrapped the message by restating my question at the top: “[h]ow do you folks deal with a family member who is, for want of a better word, ‘hostile’ toward your hobby?”

The responses were interesting, to say the least.

While I didn’t keep a scorecard of sorts regarding the answers, most were sympathetic to my situation, and one person, who lives in Virginia, even offered to store them at his place. (I had to decline due to the distance; I’m in New Jersey.)

I was also chided for the inappropriateness of the post to the various groups to which I sent it. Certain individuals went so far as to recommend counseling, either for my mother or myself, as well as telling me to “grow up” and accept responsibility, etc. Some went so far as to recommend I sell off all my trains, a point I described in the message as not being an option. (I did mention that I’ve sold off about thirty percent of the roster, but it was for certain reasons and not to raise money per se.) One or two people even missed the gist of my post, and I had to clarify it.

I suppose part of the problem(s) I experienced from people responding to my posts was that I may have provided too much detail in my background. Oh, well.

However, I think everyone missed an important point in my post: that a member of my family has effectively targeted my hobby, presumably with the intent of “breaking” me of that interest, but for reasons unknown to me, my indebtedness notwithstanding. Talk about hostility towards one’s hobby! People also missed the lifelong emotional and psychological abuses I’ve experienced, with the hobby-oriented issue being highlighted for the lists.

It was an interesting thread, as I also learned of other modelers who are in the same or similar situation, so I found it comforting in a weird way that I was not alone in this regard.

Trimming the Fleet

Or is it "culling the herd"?

I've recently been selling off parts of my HO scale freight car fleet in what I call a "rationalization." That's the umbrella term I use for the sale of various cars, both unbuilt kits and assembled models.

This fleet numbered about 190 cars at its highest in 2003, and I was able to get them back through a series of events I won't cover here. However, I chose to seize that opportunity to liquidate certain cars.

My "rationalization" has three parts. The first is disposing of cars that are inappropriate for my long-planned switching layout. That meant cars like the dozen Walthers autoracks I had, and because said switching layout doesn't have a place for them. Moreover, their length means they'd take up too much space on the layout once it's built. Other cars that didn't fit were a couple of cars in a demonstrator paint scheme, which I couldn't justify, either.

I also targeted certain other cars, such as certain covered hoppers. While I probably could strip them and repaint them for something else, I figured someone else may enjoy them, too, so on the market they went.

I also chose to part with certain cars decorated for specific connections to my past. I put up for sale a couple of wood-sided reefers that had been decorated for the Garden State Model Railroad Club's Garden State Northern club layout, because of unpleasant memories associated with the first club to which I belonged.

I also targeted anything connected with CSX or its non-Conrail predecessors, because of that company's desire and program to get rid of me. Fortunately, I had few pieces, which meant I would get rid of them quickly, such as a three-pack of Athearn Center-Flow covered hoppers custom decorated the three Chessie System constituent roads, as well as a factory-decorated pair of 45-foot CSX intermodal trailers. I look at this part of my "fleet rationalization" as a healing step, if nothing else.

The third part is, if it can be called that, a protest against Union Pacific. The "Borg of Railroading" instituted a licensing program that I, as a modeler, felt was ridiculous in general and onerous for hobby manufacturers.

The UP set forth certain stipulations with respect to the use of their intellectual property. While they're within their rights to do so, they actually saw it as a bona fide revenue stream. UP is a billion-dollar freight railroad. They make their money transporting freight, and they wanted licensing fees as a revenue stream? At best, these fees would amount to a negligible portion of their annual revenue as a percentage.

So, in my own little way, I decided to protest this by selling off all my Union Pacific, Southern Pacific, Missouri Pacific, and Chicago & North Western stuff, which also extended to other items such as mugs. Granted, it's not much, but at least it makes me feel better.

There was also a fourth part that wasn't consciously planned: era. Part of this sell-off included cars not suitable for my contemporary era in which my railroad is set. Coincidentally, the GSN reefers were part of that, as were the "Heritage Collection" cars that were offered to NMRA members in the 1990s. These cars were decorated for modelers' railroads of the past, such as John Allen's Gorre & Daphetid and Frank Ellison's Delta Lines. While I thought they would be "interesting," they technically don't fit my layout's concept, so I decided someone else might enjoy them.

I sold the first seventeen cars not on eBay, as I should have done, but on a Yahoo! group created for that purpose, and which was devoted solely to HO scale. However, due to my objection to the way that group's owner ran his group, I bailed shortly after I sold four cars from my second posting to that group.

Instead, I shifted my future sales to eBay, where I was likely to get better exposure for my items.

Say what you will about eBay, but they offer an integrated system for listings, sales management, money receipt and payment, printing shipping labels. That integration makes it extraordinarily easy to track the items one sells.

It also begat an interesting experience with a prospective buyer. I seem to attract the weirdoes, and I don't know why.

I'd listed the three-pack of Chessie System Center-Flows as one auction. One person bid on them shortly after the listing appeared. "Great," I thought, "they'll sell."

Then I got an email from another eBayer asking about local pickup, whether he can pay in cash, etc., as he lived in a town not far from me. Mmm, okay.

We went back and forth as to the neutral location, etc., and in each of my three responses, I mentioned he'd have to be the winning bidder.

I never heard back from him after my third response, nor did he ever bid on those cars.

I inferred two things from the email exchange.

First, he wasn't too bright. I don't think he grasped the idea he was expected to bid on that auction and win it, if he expected to pick them up locally.

Second, I also got the impression, from reading between the lines, he wanted me to end listing early, just so he could have the cars. There already was one bid on them, so there was no way I was going to deprive a legitimate bidder (I never heard from him again after the auction, either.)

For all I know, he was a con artist, looking to scam me.

Lessons Learned

If I could go back in time, I would have listed all of the cars on eBay, for reasons I mentioned earlier.

Another lesson I've learned is the use - value, really - of pictures. Part of the reason some things were not getting the bids I hoped for is that, as I write this, I'm in no position to upload photographs with my listings. However, I've been able to sell a number of items despite this handicap.