I recently cross-posted to several Yahoo groups a question that, while off-topic, did involve model railroading. Specifically, I asked:
[w]hat do you do when you learn that someone in your immediate family is not fond of your hobby, to the extent they’re either hostile towards it, or contemptuous?
Perhaps the collective brain trust can provide some thoughts on that question.
So that list group members would understand the kind of person I’m dealing with, I provide some historical background how my trains came to be in my mother’s possession, from the financial difficulties I had, to the “agreement” I signed under duress that resulted in my trains’ being “held hostage.”
I then described the flooding incident in my mother’s home, in which her bathroom flooded, and the water made its way into the basement. The boxes holding my trains were stored in the basement directly beneath the bathroom, and they got wet and fell over. I performed “triage” to clean up the mess the day after she notified me, which looked worse than it actually was.
During one of those visits, my mother made the comment that she bet she could “get $12,000” for them. When I advised her that she didn’t know the market, she said she “could get $5,000.” Worse, she’d “suggested” that she “could ‘secretly’ sell them,” or have my sister do it on eBay, given her successes there.
As I did an inventory of my equipment on my laptop recently, my mother saw the spreadsheet and remarked that I ought to “have a space for the prices I paid for the cars, so I could see the differences between the two, “when I sell my trains,” as her fantasy states.
“I’ve sold off about thirty percent of my roster,” I wrote, “but only as part of a plan to refine my fleet by getting rid off cars that aren’t appropriate or suitable for my planned switching layout, or for other reasons. Entire liquidation is not an option, but my mother seems to think it is by her continued advocacy that I sell off all of them.”
“Furthermore,” I added, “I’m not in a position to remove them physically from her home, as I presently have nowhere to put the dozen or so boxes that contain those models as well as my hobby tools.”
I wrapped the message by restating my question at the top: “[h]ow do you folks deal with a family member who is, for want of a better word, ‘hostile’ toward your hobby?”
The responses were interesting, to say the least.
While I didn’t keep a scorecard of sorts regarding the answers, most were sympathetic to my situation, and one person, who lives in Virginia, even offered to store them at his place. (I had to decline due to the distance; I’m in New Jersey.)
I was also chided for the inappropriateness of the post to the various groups to which I sent it. Certain individuals went so far as to recommend counseling, either for my mother or myself, as well as telling me to “grow up” and accept responsibility, etc. Some went so far as to recommend I sell off all my trains, a point I described in the message as not being an option. (I did mention that I’ve sold off about thirty percent of the roster, but it was for certain reasons and not to raise money per se.) One or two people even missed the gist of my post, and I had to clarify it.
I suppose part of the problem(s) I experienced from people responding to my posts was that I may have provided too much detail in my background. Oh, well.
However, I think everyone missed an important point in my post: that a member of my family has effectively targeted my hobby, presumably with the intent of “breaking” me of that interest, but for reasons unknown to me, my indebtedness notwithstanding. Talk about hostility towards one’s hobby! People also missed the lifelong emotional and psychological abuses I’ve experienced, with the hobby-oriented issue being highlighted for the lists.
It was an interesting thread, as I also learned of other modelers who are in the same or similar situation, so I found it comforting in a weird way that I was not alone in this regard.
